Chapter 24 : How are you?

"You look better than when I saw you last time. Last time I saw you, you had just got out of hospital."

I immediately think, “Don’t say such things. Don’t remind me of hospital. Why do you do it? Why do you see me and immediately remember certain moments. Bad moments.”

Next person I see says, “Hello, are you getting better?”

Once again what can I say? I could ask them something. Change the subject.

Next acquaintance approaches me and says, “You look alright.”

What can I say? I could say, “I’d rather talk about something else. I don't want to talk about how I am."

As usual Jack gets it right. I visit him and Christine.  We talk normally about the things around us.  The sheep, the climate, the weather and his property. After about an hour he says, “You are physically looking just as good as normal. How do you feel?”

That’s a good question. He hasn’t been overwhelmed by my illness. He has treated me the way he would have normally. And he hasn’t ignored my illness because he can’t handle it. He has faced up to it honesty, openly and logically.

I answer him openly by saying, “A lot depends on my test results. I am having a couple of tests.  The results should tell me if I am getting better. They should tell me what caused my illness. They will open my world.”

I then add the postscript, “I feel really good.”

This is basically true except I am sick of the numbness. I wish it would go away. My teeth and lips feel numb. Not a problem unless you eat.  Then it can become a big problem, especially if the food is hot. People don’t want to hear about that. You can’t complain about your teeth everytime you eat.

How am I going in general? I am reminded about the comments of one doctor who spoke to my daughter and described me as the miracle man. Apparently my recovery was miraculous. I was the man who came back from the dead. The ambulance man has also described me in similar ways. He didn’t expect me to survive. Of course, he didn’t tell me. I heard it about third hand. It actually makes me feel good to hear that people didn’t expect me to survive. Except they won’t go and tell me what they were thinking.

I enter the front room when my wife is talking on skype. I immediately hear, “You are getting better.”

Somebody is watching me from the UK. Once again I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to talk about my health. I am very happy to talk. Honesty and openly. I could tell her all the good things arising subsequent to my illness.

The first would be all the things I have got out of doing. Numerous times I have said I am not doing that because it puts my health at risk. This may or may not be true but it is something that people cannot argue with. I always win.

The other would be the way it has changed my view on life.  Depends on who you speak to. But some people have said that I am more tolerant, more relaxed and happier. I definitely feel very un-inclined to complain about the standard of service. I prefer to accept it and thank them for doing their best. For trying. Most of the time I don’t feel like it is my responsibility to get everything working properly. I just feel grateful. That’s all.

The other thing that I am grateful for is my knowledge of preventive medicine. My knowledge of nutrition, physical exercise and how to live has improved. Hopefully in very small ways interacting with the people around me I can impart some of this knowledge. Hopefully some of my improved knowledge of nutrition will osmotically seep into some of the people I meet. And then maybe they will benefit.

What else can I say? I don’t know. Hopefully someone will comment and trigger a response from me or a comment from someone else.