Chapter 51 : Tasmanian Masters Athletics (Part two)

I wait for the 400m by watching the 3000 m. The runners are very fast, fit and in control. No drama. I ask a few more questions and the answers are. Each runner is given a lane. You start behind the line in your lane. You stick to your own lane. At the start the runners will not be next to each other. They are what you call staggered.

I hang around and finally get the nod. And joy of joy I finish up with the inside lane at the back and will not be passed.

We crouch for the start and I start running when the others start running. They seem very quick. I push my arms. I breathe deeply. I try and speed my legs up. No I can increase the length of each stride. That’s better. I feel like I am in a rhythm. I must keep this rhythm. My feet feel numb. In fact they are not my feet. They belong to someone else.  They feel like artificial clods of feet slapping the track. I can still run. I must keep this rhythm. The rhythm feels good. They are going away from me. I must keep in touch. I round the final curve into the straight. The others are finishing. I am now running on my own. I didn’t choose to be on my own. Breathe deeply. My feet feel numb. Normally I run on the bike track and my feet behave themselves. Why did they choose now to play up? I pump my arms. There is a crowd of people at the finish line. None are interested in me. I finally stop and breathe deeply. One of the runners shacks my hand. Fantastic.  Other runners do the same. It was worth it just for the handshakes.

What is my time? Is it good or bad?  Who knows? How does it compare to other people of my age. I could look at the state records. That would give me some sort of idea. It is the only thing I can compare myself to. I could compare myself to people who don’t run but that’s not possible.

I lost the race. It was easier this afternoon. I weeded an area of my garden. I won. The weeds lost. And this morning at a cafe. I won there as well. In the café I ordered a flat white. I achieved my goal.  It came and I drank it.  Why am I pushing myself now? I volunteered to run and come last.  It was my choice.

I haven’t found my event. Part of me dreams of being discovered. Of suddenly trying an event and breaking records or winning medals. Well that is not going to happen.  If I hadn’t come here today I would have been able to keep on dreaming. Keep on thinking that I was about to be discovered.  I now know this is not going to happen.

Why did I run? Where does the pleasure come from? It doesn’t come from being the best or winning or beating other people. It must come from the feeling you get when you run. The enjoyment of physical movement. The wind in your hair.

I also ran to increase my self-knowledge. I won there. I learnt something about myself.  And there is more I can learn. As I learn things about myself my time should come down. This is not always pleasurable. Sometimes you learn something painfully.

And then there is the fellowship. Enjoying the company of other people who are basically the same. People you have something in common with.  And the other reason for doing this is you have to do something. I could stay at home, watch TV, and get drunk. No I think I would rather be here.

In the 400m all of the people were younger than me. And faster than me. Perhaps I can get better. Well I can. I know that. If I flounder I can revert to my staple event. The long slow distance. Perhaps at the end of my odyssey I will find out that I am best suited to what I was doing all along.

For the people racing ahead of me I am not giving up. I can’t explain why. I am not a great hidden talent. I know I am lucky to be able to run on such a fantastic track in such a great organization. I know I am lucky that I can run. Not everybody can. I am lucky that I live a short distance away from a quality running track.  Not everybody does. And I am lucky that TMA exists. I don’t know why? All I know is what I see. I see good people, taking the time to stand around and record my time. Recording our harmless fun.

And the people here. They are relaxed, self-confident, polite, purposeful and active. They are not boastful, flamboyant, arrogant, deceitful or unhappy.  When running they are self-possessed but they are not selfish people. They are honestly pursuing self-improvement.

And as for the future? What will happen? There are three options.

My times will improve.

My times will remain in the same area.

I will give up and stop.

I learnt one thing. They don’t like it when I complained about my feet. They were happy when I tried my best. When I started to talk about my numb feet they turned away. Not interested in complaints.

Well I have to see what I can get out of it. I suppose I will get out what I put in.