You asked me, “What’s it like being retired?

 Dear Bob,

 

You asked me, “What’s it like being retired?  What you should I do when I retire?”

Bob, perhaps you can begin by deciding what you want other people to call you. A lot of people describe themselves by what they used to do.  Retired doctor, retired teacher, retired plumber or retired footballer.   Sometimes I go that way. I am a retired dentist.  Personally, I don’t want to be described by what I used to be. I prefer not to be called a retired dentist.

Bob, a big issue of me was deciding when to shave. I couldn’t get it right. When working I used to shave every working day and never at the weekend. When retired I initially tried to shave when I had to. When the stubble irritated me, I would shave. It hurt and was difficult.  Was a beard the solution? I don’t think so. It would change my appearance and irritate me. My solution is shaving every day. Being retired I now shave more than when I worked.

Bob you also have to work out what clothes to wear.  When working I had clothes and shoes I walked to work in. When I arrived, I took off my walking shoes and clothes and put my work attire on. Now I am fancy free to wear anything anytime.  Your clothes tell the world who you are.

Bob, in the morning, you have to work out when to get out of bed? You can’t have a relaxed sleep-in every day. It won’t work.

Previously I had a routine for lunch. I always had the same lunch at the same time. I was predictable. Now I have to think about lunch. Nowadays when I have lunch I line everything up on the bench. When working I would not move until all the instruments were ready and waiting and in the right spot.  Now that I am retired, I don’t start my lunch until everything is out in the right spot, Clean, tidy and ready.

Bob, another issue is the days of the week change. When working you often have 5 days of work followed by 2 days of weekend rest to get ready for the next week of work.  When retired you cannot divide your week into working days and resting days. Every day is the same.

Bob, also, when you retire your work social network, which includes the lady you buy coffee from, disappears.  

Retirement has taught me is more about my working life. When working all teeth are the same. Teeth are teeth irrespective of your sex or race. All teeth are the same. All people are different. When working I tried to treat my patients all unique individuals. I tried to treat them with respect. I abhorred stereotypes.  When I met people, I didn’t think of a stereotype based on age, sex, sexuality, physical or mental disability, race, appearance, education, clothes. My philosophy was as a dentist we provide dental services for everyone. Accept all without prejudice or pre conceptions. This attitude towards people has followed me into retirement land.

When working I knew what I was going today.  I looked at the day list and new what I was doing at 4:00pm. Now in the morning I like to know what I am going to do at 2:30. I need to know my appointments for the day.

Bob, when working I was always assessed. When working I always had someone to tell me if I’d done a good job or not. I always had something to work on or to improve.  At the end of the week, I could see my results for the week. I had a record of what I had achieved. Now I have no idea if had retired well. If I had a good week of retirement. How to succeed at being retired.

Another thing I have found in retirement is a lack of status. One day I was owning, running, working in a dental practice in the center of Hobart. The signs outside displayed my name to the world. I had constant daily feedback telling me that I existed. The feedback was always about me. Now nothing. I now do many things which are un-noticed. Things which don’t result in any feedback.

Perhaps my problem is I was unavoidably the boss. Now I am not the boss. I just have to get used to it. Stop complaining and get on with life.

Bob, should you become a volunteer. Join an organization and help people. I can now see that this would give you goals; a purpose and reaffirmed my worth. It will constantly tell you that you are important and needed.  You will receive a Christmas card, sign the farewell card, be missed if you sleep in, get public holidays and weekends off and do something the community needs. You can go this way. You need to find an organization who needs you as much as you need them.

Bob, I have noticed how hobbies either expand or disappear.  Some hobbies were an escape or release from working. They disappear.  Other hobbies expand. Be flexible and ready to adjust your life.

Bob, I still go on holiday. Retirement purportedly means you are on continuous holiday. No commitments. But I find I need a break from endless similar repetitive days.  Probably why so many retirees spend so much time travelling. When other retirees talk about their coming cruise I join in. Why not?

Bob, I don’t need to tell you, family and friends are important. I know you know that. You will see more of your family. I know for you that is not a problem. 

Bob, I will have to mention money. Do you have enough money to do everything you want to do?  Do what I do.  I alter my goals or aims to fit with the money available.  My goal is to do what I can afford to do.

Nothing I do is related to money. I do the things I enjoy. It is a great feeling to have. I do what I want to. Sounds good but not absolutely accurate. The reality is I do lots of things I would rather not. Things that involve fitting in with my social network.

Bob, the most important thing is to find yourself. Then you can work out what to do. During my working life my personality was related to my work. You couldn’t separate me from my work. I was a dentist. 

When retired I needed to find out what I am if you take my job away. 

And get ready for people who say, “What do you do all day?

You can reply with, “I’m just as busy as ever.”

You may be but I am not as busy as ever. Life is easier.

Retirement means entering a land that stretches forever in all directions. The land full of limitless possibilities. Deciding what to do in this land is difficult and terrifying but also potentially more exciting and wondrous.

Entering retirement land, I wasn’t handed a script telling me what to do. I had to ad lib. Make it up as I went.

Bob. Be footloose and fancy free. You can do anything you want.

 

Kind regards, Alan