I graduated from Melbourne University in 1979 as a real life dentist.
Thirty years later we had a reunion. I was lucky enough to give a small
speech. I was even luckier to keep a copy.
This is it:
I would like to begin by thanking the organizing committee
A few years ago, I
was talking to JC about referring patients.
He mentioned all the people he referred to and they were all his old
class mates. I told him that was nonsense you should refer to the best person
for each patient. Each patient was different. He said it was much easier to
pick up the phone and talk to these people. Communication was easier. He was
right. In the trenches at uni there is a bond forged.
This is why I am
here tonight. Because of that bond.
We flew over here.
Which reminds me of a joke.
A general dentist
and an orthodontist find themselves sitting next to each other on a plane. The
orthodontist thinks we might as well try and be friends. I’ll offer to go up
and get this guy a drink.
The minute he goes
the general dentist grabs the headphones and changes the channel and then turns
the volume up to maximum.
The orthodontist
returns and gives the drink to the general dentist. They drink together, chat
and then settle down to relax.
The orthodontist
puts on his headphones and then turns to his mate and says,” When are we ever
going to get on? When are we are going to stop playing games with each other.
Playing with the radios and spitting in the drinks.”
As we were coming
her tonight, I had to prepare my wife.
I had to try and
explain why B, B and C don’t have first names.
They all called by their surnames.
I had to try and
explain why when we got to choose a research group in final year everybody in
my group had a surname starting with B or C. It was because we were always
seated alphabetical. From B to Z.
Did I achieve my
aim?
35 years ago, I
sat in an incredibly steep lecture theatre, furiously scribbling on a note pad,
staring at the revolving blackboards and wondering,” What has this got to do
with dentistry?”
I had two aims. To
pass the next assignment and to have my own dental practice. Actually, it was
three but my wife sits over there.
Would I do the
same again?
The best way to
answer this is:
Would you
recommend your own child do dentistry?
One of my
daughters said to me,” Can I talk to you?”
I said, “Sure.”
My daughter said,
“I’m thinking of doing dentistry. Can you tell me the good things about
dentistry? Why should I do dentistry?”
That was my
chance. I told her all about dentistry. What it involved. Why it was good. Why
I enjoyed it. Why she should consider it.
A day later she
came to me and said, “I’ve decided to do something else.”
As we were coming
her tonight I had to prepare my wife. She’s the one with marginal staining on a
cervical abrasive cavity in the 24.
Tell her what she
can say. Mention the children doing well at Uni. No mention of lack of academic
success. She may be doing very happy and enjoy her life but we don’t mention
her.
Yes you can
mention our grandchildren. That’s alright. But not all bloody night.
I was just
confirming what she could and couldn’t say when I realised that’s she going to
hear a lot of stories. So, I had to go
and deny everything she might hear. None of what you hear tonight is true. It
never happened.
I had to explain
to my wife the difference between specialise or generalise. Some people have fixed on their specialty in
kindergarten. Others fell into a specialty.
For some of us it is incredibly important. Not for her.
How many
specialists does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he needs a
general dentist to tell him what the problem is.
Or alternatively
none. He gets his receptionist to change it.
The other big
question: Am I successful?
My wife thinks a
successful practice is one where:
The dentist buys a
piece of equipment and never uses it.
A patient urinates
into the spittoon?
The patient bites
the dentist’s finger and the dentist feints onto the floor of the surgery.
The dentist has so
many different composite systems on the go at once the nurses are permanently
confused.
A patient gets
trapped in the toilet and the dentist crashes the door to break the lock.
All around me I
see people who achieved a lot or succeeded in general practice, academically;
in research; private specialist practice; in administration; parenting and
other non-dental areas.
You have achieved
lot in the last 30 years. Be proud.
Tonight is a night
to renew old friendships. Make new friends.
And, please, don’t
forget the absent people.
If you meet them
extend hand of friendship. They may need it.
Thank you for listening.
Enjoy yourselves.
Alan Carlton
