Reunion: part two

 Before our reunion I compiled a magazine.

For the magazine I asked everybody to finish the same sentences.

I give you  a few of my favourite answers.

 

If I had not done dentistry: I would have found jokes about dentists a lot funnier.

If I had not done dentistry: not flossed as much.

If I had not done dentistry: I would have played test cricket for Australia.

If I had not done dentistry: I would probably not be able to fill holes in teeth.

 

Since 1979 I have changed: my clothes

Since 1979: I have changed: my hairstyle. You work out why.

 

On my next plane flight, I would hate to be sitting next to: Audrey Hepburn – because she’s dead

On my next plane flight, I would hate to be sitting next to: a young smelly teenager a lot like my son.

On my next plane flight, I would hate to be sitting next to: someone who points at their teeth and says, “What do you think of this?”

 

When I wake in the morning: I’m already late.

When I wake in the morning: I realise it’s a whole day before I can go back to bed.

 

I’d rather die than: wear a fluorescent vest

 

I would like a t-shirt with the following words on it: my other shirt is clean.

I would like a t-shirt with the following words on it: No root is beyond me.

 

To relax:  I drink, and read and smoke, all 3 at once.

To relax:  I drive my tractor around in circles

 

There should be a law against patients who: always think anything that breaks is the last thing you did.

There should be a law against patients who: wait till you take your gloves off, then ask you about “this tooth back here.”

There should be a law against patients who: want to answer their mobile phone whilst they are in the chair.

 

A book about my life would be called: Roots.

A book about my life would be called: Unique just like everybody else.

 

1979 as the year: We left university and began to learn about dentistry.

1979 was the year: I realised I didn’t have a plan for the future.

1979 was the year:  When I knew everything. Now I’m old enough to know that I know nothing.

 

In 10 years from now: I hope to be still working and enjoying life.

In 10 years from now: Be living in a retirement village near a convent and a massage parlor to see if I can still appreciate the difference.

In 10 years from now: I will be ten years older

 

G: One of the main reasons that I intend to carry on, is that I like most of my patients, particularly those with whom I have established friendship over the course of a number of years. I enjoy hearing the story of their life journeys. I have celebrated the birth of their children and been to funerals. I am part of their community and lives, not because I have to be, but because they want me to be.

 

P: Anyhow, throughout the whole chaotic blur of raising a busy family, there was always my "other family" .......work colleagues and a patient list that now seems to boast the young families of the children I first saw in the 1980's!!!   The way I'm going, I'll more than likely be treating their grandchildren one day!!!  (At this stage I'm happy to keep on working as long as the body holds up!!)

 

These are the sort of practices I want.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Enjoy yourselves.

 

Alan Carlton

 

Reunion

 

I graduated from Melbourne University in 1979 as a real life dentist.

 

Thirty years later we had a reunion. I was lucky enough to give a small speech. I was even luckier to keep a copy.  This is it:

 

I would like to begin by thanking the organizing committee

A few years ago, I was talking to JC about referring patients.  He mentioned all the people he referred to and they were all his old class mates. I told him that was nonsense you should refer to the best person for each patient. Each patient was different. He said it was much easier to pick up the phone and talk to these people. Communication was easier. He was right. In the trenches at uni there is a bond forged.  

This is why I am here tonight. Because of that bond. 

 

We flew over here. Which reminds me of a joke.

 

A general dentist and an orthodontist find themselves sitting next to each other on a plane. The orthodontist thinks we might as well try and be friends. I’ll offer to go up and get this guy a drink.

The minute he goes the general dentist grabs the headphones and changes the channel and then turns the volume up to maximum.

The orthodontist returns and gives the drink to the general dentist. They drink together, chat and then settle down to relax.

The orthodontist puts on his headphones and then turns to his mate and says,” When are we ever going to get on? When are we are going to stop playing games with each other. Playing with the radios and spitting in the drinks.”

 

 

As we were coming her tonight, I had to prepare my wife.

I had to try and explain why B, B and C don’t have first names.  They all called by their surnames.

I had to try and explain why when we got to choose a research group in final year everybody in my group had a surname starting with B or C. It was because we were always seated alphabetical. From B to Z.

 

Did I achieve my aim?

35 years ago, I sat in an incredibly steep lecture theatre, furiously scribbling on a note pad, staring at the revolving blackboards and wondering,” What has this got to do with dentistry?”

I had two aims. To pass the next assignment and to have my own dental practice. Actually, it was three but my wife sits over there. 

 

Would I do the same again?

The best way to answer this is:

Would you recommend your own child do dentistry?

One of my daughters said to me,” Can I talk to you?”

I said, “Sure.”

My daughter said, “I’m thinking of doing dentistry. Can you tell me the good things about dentistry? Why should I do dentistry?”

That was my chance. I told her all about dentistry. What it involved. Why it was good. Why I enjoyed it. Why she should consider it.

A day later she came to me and said, “I’ve decided to do something else.”

 

As we were coming her tonight I had to prepare my wife. She’s the one with marginal staining on a cervical abrasive cavity in the 24.

Tell her what she can say. Mention the children doing well at Uni. No mention of lack of academic success. She may be doing very happy and enjoy her life but we don’t mention her.

Yes you can mention our grandchildren. That’s alright. But not all bloody night.

 

I was just confirming what she could and couldn’t say when I realised that’s she going to hear a lot of stories.  So, I had to go and deny everything she might hear. None of what you hear tonight is true. It never happened.  

 

I had to explain to my wife the difference between specialise or generalise.  Some people have fixed on their specialty in kindergarten. Others fell into a specialty.  For some of us it is incredibly important.  Not for her.

 

How many specialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One but he needs a general dentist to tell him what the problem is.

Or alternatively none. He gets his receptionist to change it.

 

The other big question:  Am I successful?

My wife thinks a successful practice is one where:

 

The dentist buys a piece of equipment and never uses it.

A patient urinates into the spittoon?

The patient bites the dentist’s finger and the dentist feints onto the floor of the surgery.

The dentist has so many different composite systems on the go at once the nurses are permanently confused.

A patient gets trapped in the toilet and the dentist crashes the door to break the lock.

 

All around me I see people who achieved a lot or succeeded in general practice, academically; in research; private specialist practice; in administration; parenting and other non-dental areas.

You have achieved lot in the last 30 years. Be proud.

Tonight is a night to renew old friendships. Make new friends. 

And, please, don’t forget the absent people.

If you meet them extend hand of friendship. They may need it.

Thank you for listening.

 

Enjoy yourselves.

 

Alan Carlton