Chapter 73 : Seven stages of not dying

the I’ve Got Questions stage

Initially I was tormented by a few questions. What happened? Why? Why me?  What does it mean in the future? This stage was characterized by my continual craving and search for information.

the “Monty Python” stage. It is only a flesh wound. I’ll be back at work in a few days. 

This stage gradually evolved when it dawned on me that it was not a flesh wound. It was serious.  One piece of evidence was the number of cards I received.  If I was receiving so many cards it must be because people thought it was not a flesh wound.

This was the time when I was overwhelmed with cards. Every card triggered some thought, some recollection of something. Every card made me grateful and I tried to reply honestly and truthfully to every card. Not everybody sent cards. I have since realised that some people who did not send cards wished me nothing but goodwill but the stars aligned in certain ways and they expressed themselves slightly differently.

the It’s Up To Me stage

I realised I had to take control. I had to decide what was healthy.  I had to decide what food to eat, what exercise to do, what activities to follow. I could not rely on the carers. The carers looked at everything from where they were. They often aimed one piece of advice at 20 different patients.  I was only interested in one person. What was best for him? The generalized advice had to be discarded, tailored, changed or altered. I could not tell these carers I didn’t want their help. I could listen to what they said; say thank you and then decide what was best for me.

There was a pivotal day. The day when I realised what I was being told was wrong. Listening to this wrong information actually made me happy. I realised that I was now capable of deciding what was best for me. I was now in control.

the It’s All About…stage

The stage when I started to talk to people about themselves. Initially every conversation was about my illness. Everybody I saw wanted to ask me about my injury. I was very happy to talk about my injury and my seven weeks in hospital. Then things changed. I asked people about their issues. What they were up to. And a strange thing happened. The more I was interested in other people and the more I talked to them about their concerns the better I felt.

the Game Of Cards stage

This is when I realised life was a game of cards. I have been given certain cards. Now I had to play with them.

You could say that two years ago I was given really bad cards. ICU for two weeks, followed by no job, no practice and suddenly an interesting medical history.

You could say that if you look at my life over the last 61 years I have been given really good cards. Either way good or bad I have to play with the cards I have been given. They are not bad or good. They are what they are.