Chapter 267: She pushed me

 A multi headed mass travels erratically down the footpath.

Some of the mass walks. That’s grandmother and grandfather. Some of the mass runs helter skelter. That’s Bruce, Gertrude and Kay.

Grandmother: Don’t run. What if everybody did that?

They continue running.

Grandmother: It doesn’t matter what I say. Everybody does exactly what they want.

Bruce runs back up the path and stops in front of me. He has a really important message to give me.

Bruce: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bruce: I’m wearing Spiderman underpants.

I nod and he turns and runs down the footpath. Towards Kay and Gertrude.

Kay and Gertrude run up the footpath. My gaze wanders and I don’t see the accident.

I see tangled legs and arms and Kay staring at her bleeding knee.

Me: What happened?

Kay: She did this. She pushed me.

Gertrude’s face looks guilty. She mumbles to herself.

Me: Kay that is a bad injury to your knee. It needs a bandaid. When we get home you all get to have a band aid. You all get to choose your own bandaid.

Me: (reasonably privately to Gertrude). We will draw her a card. To help you apologize.

Gertrude: Do you want it landscape or portrait?

When we give her the card you will say sorry. You have learnt a lesson and you will never do it again.

Me: (reasonably privately to Kay). If Gertrude gives you card and says sorry you also have to do something.

Kay: She pushed me. I get to push me.

Me: No. You won’t push her. You have to do something really difficult. You have to accept her apology. Say thank you for the apology and then move on. Don’t keep on and on about it. Don’t keep on mentioning it. Don’t mention it every time you see her bandaid or your bandaid.   

Chapter 266: Does she stll suck her thumb?

 I stroll in my back garden. Over the fence I hear my neighbour say hello.

She has some beautiful agapanthus. I must ask her why they doing so well.  They look better than ours.

 

Me: Love your agapanthus.

Angela:  I gave him money so he could tell me what I already knew.

I nod.

Angela: He told me her teeth are crooked because she sucks her thumb.

 

Me: Are we talking about your daughter?

She looks at me: Yes of course we are.

Me: Okay are her teeth crooked?

Angela: Yes they are.

Me: Does she suck her thumb?

Angela: Only when she’s tired.

Me: Does sucking her thumb cause her teeth to be crocked?

Angela: Of course it does. I didn’t need him to tell me that. I already knew that.

 

I now ask a relevant question: How old is she?”

Angela: She is six.

Me: Does she still have baby teeth? Or does she have any adult teeth?

 

Angela: That’s what the orthodontist said. He was only interested if they were baby teeth or adult teeth.

Me: Okay how is he going to get her to stop sucking her thumb?

Angela: Easy. I’ll do that. I’ll tell her not to.  Whenever she does it I will tell her not to.”

 

I still retain some memory of teeth and of trying to change behaviour. I will try and give her some advice about teeth.

 

Me: I would be positive. Find some way of rewarding her for good behavior. Start with a chart. If she achieves a period of non-sucking then give her something. A star. After so many stars give her something she wants. Give her something to aim at. Find out what are the weak times. The times that are associated with sucking.

 

Angela: You are retired. What would you know? I’m just telling you. I know what to do. I don’t need his help or your help.

 

A week later we meet.

Me: I know nothing but has she stopped sucking her thumb?

Angela: She has cut down. She is sucking less.

Me: Why is she sucking her thumb less?

Angela:  Because I tell her. Everytime I see her I tell her. She wouldn’t dare.

Me: That’s good. What about the babysitter. How is she helping you?

Angela: The babysitter has enough to think about. I don’t want to fill her tiny brain with things she doesn’t need to know.  I haven’t told her what I am doing.

 

How can I tell her that the babysitter needs to be on the same page?

I am a retired dentist. But I am still a real live living dog owner.

Me: If you are training your dog would you expect someone looking after the dog to have the same rules for your dog.

Angela: Yes of course.

Me: Do you think the babysitter should know about your plan to stop thumb sucking.

Angela: Are you saying my daughter is a dog. She is not a dog.

 

Me: Can I ask you about your agapanthus? They look beautiful.

Chappter 265: I will let them win. I will try and build up their confidence.

 The computer game is alive. It is blinking, flashing, making music and goading me.

I can use this game to help me grandkids. Build up their confidence. Make them feel good. Give them confidence to attack and take on this world. I will let them beat me.

I start by saying: I’m gonna win. I’m gonna beat you at his game.

They immediately begin pressing buttons. They ask me. What my name is going to be. What color do I want be.

The game starts and they hand me the controller. They press buttons, turn buttons and twist buttons. The buttons become a part of them. On the screen their monkeys put up shields and easily dodge nasty, evil arrows.

I whisper: I’m gonna beat you. I’m just getting warmed up.

Bruce seems to lose interest in beating me. Winning is too easy. No competition. He lazily spins his button and raises his eyebrows.

Bruce decides its time to help me.

Bruce: You have to watch the monkey and press your button when it moves. You have to throw a banana and hit the other monkey. You have to press the color that appears.

I spin my button and press it a few times and watch some randomly disconnected monkey get bombed.

Bruce: That was good. You are getting better.   

The game finishes and they look at the leader’s scoreboard. 

Me: Looks like I won. I got the lowest score. By lots. You didn’t even come close.

Kay: The highest score wins. You came last.

Me: I think lowest wins. I won.

Kay: You lost. You came last.

Bruce: You are getting better. You are learning. You are learning very quickly. For your age.

Bruce tries to encourage me. He tries to build up my confidence.

Bruce: You will soon be an expert at this. Good enough to play me.

They play another game without me. I disappear. When they are at school I will have to learn how to turn this game on by myself. I need to practice by myself. I need to practice without them watching. I have to get good enough to let them beat me. 

 

Chapter 264: Who ate this cake?

 

I wander in with grandmother.

Filling my eyes is a missing slice in a cake. The missing slice is not there but it is the most obvious thing in the room. Apart from the crumbs around the mouths of two grandkids.

Grandmother: Who was it ate this cake?

Gertrude: It was grandfather.

Grandmother: Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.

Gertrude: It was grandfather. He did it.

I move around the cake and stare at it.

Me: I can’t tell if this cake is worth eating. Is it tasty? Is it worth eating?

Gertrude: Yes. It is very good.

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Kay looks lost, confused and anxious.

Me: Are you Kay?

Kay stands unsure about what I said.

Me: You look to me like Kay but Kay is a beautiful dancer. She is the best dancer in the world. Kay is really good at dancing.

Kay smiles and dances around the room. Graceful, lithesome and supple.

Me: It is Kay. You are a beautiful dancer. You must be Kay.

Kay continues her graceful movements. Smiling.  I don’t know who wins the most.  With a few words I have managed to make her happy. I reckon with her smile and her dancing she has made me ever happier.

Chapter 263: How did you know he swore?

 I ask my usual question: How was school today?

Gertrude: xxxx swore today. Loud.

Me: What else happened? Tell me something good that happened.

Gertrude: It was a long swear word. And he said it out loud. Everybody heard it.

Mer: How did you know he swore?

Gertrude: He swore. Everybody knew.

Me: How do you know what a swear word is. How do you know what word not to say?

Gertrude: I’ve heard it all before. I know the naughty words.

Me: Where have you heard this word before?

Gertrude: Mum.

Me: So your mum was educating you.

Gertrude: That’s right. And I’ve heard you say it too.

Me: I was just educating you. Telling you what word not to say.

Gertrude:  It was the long word.

Me: What was the first letter in this word.

Gertrude:  R

Me: I don’t know what word that is. I don’t think it is a naughty word. I think you can say it.

Gertrude: Arsehole.

Me: I want to go back in time five minutes. Answer my question.  How was school today? Tell me something good that happened today.

Chapter 262: aka

The table edifies me. It is covered in scattered pens, crayons and paper. The table tells me my grandkids are happy. They are drawing pictures.

Kay: Should I draw this landscape or portrait?

I say: It’s up to you.

I then look at Bruce’s drawing. Is that a picture of anybody I know?

I say: Bruce that is a really good drawing of …ah ah ah.

Bruce: A monster from Mars.

Me: That’s what I thought. It sure looks like it came from Mars.

Bruce: A monster from Mars aka Jeff.

Me: aka?

Bruce: It means also known as.

Me: How would you finish this sentence? My grandfather aka…

Bruce: My grandfather aka…

He then burps.

Bruce: My grandfather aka burps.

He then joyously laughs. He likes what he said so much he repeatedly says it.

Bruce: My grandfather aka burps.

Me: I’ve got a better sentence. Kay aka the world’s greatest dancer.

She immediately smiles and dances around the room.

Chapter 261: I hear a sound I dread hearing.

I hear the worse possible sound. I hear nothing. It’s quiet. No noise. No click or hum. Nothing. With grandkids in the house nothing sounds worse than no noise.

I explore.

In the bathroom I see Bruce. In the sink is a can of cream from the fridge. His face is covered in cream.

I say: What on earth are you doing?

Bruce: Shaving.

I say: I love what you’ve done. I’ve got an idea. After you finish shaving wash your face.

It feels like time for me to pretend I am partially supervising what my grandkids are doing.

I then say: Okay let’s go outside and see what we can see outside.

Outside I look upwards. To the sky and clouds.

I ask my grandkids: What do you see in the sky? What are those clouds over there?

Bruce: Rocket launchers. With wings on both sides.

Me: What about over there? What are those clouds?

Bruce: Daggers and swords.

Me: Over there?

Bruce: A gummy bear on God’s head and lightening coming out of God’s chest.

Me: You’re seeing a lot more than me. Kay what about you. What are you seeing?

Kay: Poo and wee and number two.

It is now time for me to be quiet. I am silent wondering what will happen next.